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Saturday, June 22, 2013

Ex & The City

You break up, you make up, you break up again, then make up. Then you decide it's time for a break, after which you make up. Then finally, you both realize that this is not working. So you call it a day and break up for real. For now.

Time passes, you both meet other people, you go out, you travel, you laugh, you think you've moved on. Until. Well, until you realize that you haven't. So you go back right where you left off. Why? I mean you tried to make it work and you've established that it couldn't. What makes you think that it will this time?

The thing is you don't. Deep down you know that things will not be different but you want what you had back, as bad as it was, regardless. Reason? Probably because it's comfortable, easy, familiar and you (and me) would take that any day -with all its bumps- over starting over. The thought of having to meet someone again and starting from scratch is daunting. You already know your ex inside and out (more or less depending on how long you were together). Yes he has flaws, but you know those too and your defense mechanisms are all in place now so it would be overwhelming to think that you need to start over with someone new.

I'm not saying any of the above to approve or condemn going back to exes. I have no room to do the latter as I've been guilty of it way too many times to admit. And obviously can't do the former as it has never worked for me.  I'm merely trying to understand why many of us do it.

And then you have the rest of us. The ones who decide that what they had with their ex was never love but that this new thing, the new boy, this is definitely love.

I don't get those people.

I mean even my relationships that ended on bad, bitter terms were once a good thing. And those exes that are no longer what I want, once were. So at that stage in my life, with the circumstances I was in, that, was love. Which is why it bothers me to see people deny it.

Sorry, this is is not one of those posts that will end on Hollywood terms where we're all gonna live happily ever after. I don't have an answer to any of the questions I posed above. I just thought that maybe if I thought outloud, I might get to something. Yea, I didn't.

Truth is there isn't a scenario that fits all. A boy and a girl might not make it at first but end up getting married when they meet again as a man and a woman. Maybe the time just wasn't right the first time around. And others (which is more like the experience I've repeatedly had when I've tried to go back to exes) get nothing but Déjà vus when they try to mess with that again.