Comfortaphobia

Yes yes, I know. That’s not a word, but I just made it one. I think it captures the essence of this phobia that I’m going to discuss with you.

Picture a couple. A newly-wed couple. A young couple. They’re in their early twenties, so in love, their whole lives are ahead of them. They’re living happily, doing whatever they want, whenever and wherever they want it. The years pass and they realize that they got too comfortable in this (no longer) new setting. They got the hang of things and they’re now ready for the new addition. The baby. 

This is not too different from what I’m going through. Okay, I’m definitely not ready for a baby. But I’m also a comfortaphobic. I’m not talking about not liking to sit comfortably (I love my comfy couch) nor about being comfortable financially (certainly not afraid of having more money so I can tour the world, twice). I’m talking about being comfortable with myself, my life, my status. In fears of letting that feeling last, I do something to change it. Everytime. 

Chances are you think I’m an absolute maniac by now. We can’t let that happen, so let me explain. 

When I graduated from university 3 years ago, I didn’t see myself ever going back. Not anytime soon at least. I was thinking of where I was, where I wanted to be, who I was, who I wanted to be, and all the others doubleyous that you can think of. It took me 3 years and a couple months to get to the comfortable place I’m in now. This is not to say I know who I am. God forbid. It’s too soon for that. 

But I’m in a good place in my life. Things fell somewhat into place. I know what I like and don’t like, I have a job that lets me do what I love most every day (talking), a family that I appreciate more than ever, an amazing bunch of friends and a best friend. So basically, everything a girl needs and more. 

You’d think I’d just be happy and let myself be.

But no. Never have, never will. 

The voice in my head always gets in the way asking me if I was satisfied. Really.  Then the anxious feeling in my stomach complements it and sticks around until I do something about the situation. 

So I go on this quest to disrupt my short-lived comfort. Anything is fair game. The more comfortable I am, the more obstacles I put in the way. 

This time around, I have signed up for three econ online classes (coz why not), studying for the LSATs (though I have no idea whether or not I’m going to Law School, but university is back on the options list), made a bet with myself that I’d travel to 10 new countries by the time I’m 25 (traveled to 3 in less than a year and planning another 5 for the remainder of the year) and getting myself a new hobby; tennis! 

All of these things are exciting, I agree. But none of them would have surfaced had I not been trying to shake the comfort.

I don’t know how many of you actually know what I’m talking about, but there are a few. Of that I’m sure. And the thing is Comfortaphobia, unlike other phobias, is good for you. It’s what drives you forward, it’s what drives me forward. 

So until you hear from me again, stay scared.